please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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