those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
