I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
