I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
