Don't make out with my wife yet
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
