How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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