but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
