I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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