he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
