One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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