twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
