dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
