question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
