i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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