I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
