I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
