Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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