I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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