Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
