What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
