Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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