you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
