coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
