glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
