please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
