So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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