we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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