She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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