well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
