I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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