I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
