I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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