I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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