Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
