i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
