i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
