maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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