I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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