I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
