Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I have aggressive nipples.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
