sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
