you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
