allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
