I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
