and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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