I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
