I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
