don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
