The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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