who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
