3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
